BUILDING STRENGTH BASED MARRIAGE

 

BUILDING STRENGTH BASED MARRIAGES

 

LECTURE OVERVIEW

Introduction

MODULE 1- INTRODUCTIONS

Exercise 1- Hierarchy Vs Submission

Exercise 2 – Definitions

Exercise 3 – Examples of strengths/talents

Exercise 4 – Unravelling Uniqueness

Exercise 5 – Weakness Fixing

Exercise 6 – Understanding the Benefits of your Uniqueness

Exercise 7 – Accepting Uniqueness

Exercise 8 – Accepting your Spouse

Exercise 9 – Practicing Acceptance

 

MODULE 2 – INTRODUCING THE DIFFERENT TYPES OF MATES IN MARRIAGE

Exercise 1 – Mindmates

Exercise 2 – Soulmates

Exercise 3 – Helpmates

Exercise 4 – Playmates

 

MODULE 3 – ORIENTATION TO LIFE AND WORK

Exercise 1 – People Orientation

Exercise 2 – Task Orientation

 

MODULE 4 – MODELS IN BUILDING YOUR HOME

Exercise 1 – Building your home

Exercise 2 – Using a strength-based model to build your home

MODULE 4 – TYPES OF STRENGTH IN MARRIAGE.

Exercise 1 – Underused Strength

Exercise 2 – Healthy Strength

Exercise 3 – Overused Strength

Exercise 4 – Talent Strength/Counterfeit

 

MODULE 5 – CELEBRATING UNIQUENESS

Exercise 1 – Gratitude

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

LECTURE OVERVIEW

Introduction

One of the biggest obstacles to a vibrant, resilient marriage is a lack of understanding of yourself and of your spouse. What are your spouse’s greatest strengths? Knowing your partner’s strengths and gifts is essential in every marriage. You should be working hard to develop and highlight them in your marriage together. Sometimes your strengths and your spouse’s strengths are poles apart. The key is not necessarily marrying your opposite or finding someone similar, the key is understanding your spouse. You should know your spouse’s best strengths, that way you can build a stronger marriage.

This course focuses on internal strengths and resourcefulness, and less on weaknesses, failures, and shortcomings. Its focus sets up a positive mindset that helps you build on your best qualities, find your strengths, improve flexibility and change worldview to one that is more positive to your marriage. A positive attitude in marriage, in turn, can help your expectations of yourself and your partner in becoming more reasonable.

 

 

MODULE 1– INTRODUCTON

Exercise 1- Hierarchy Vs Submission

 

Exercise 2 – Definitions

 

Exercise 3 – Examples of strengths/talents

 

Exercise 4 – Unravelling Uniqueness

It is important that you know where your strengths lie because you have superior ability around your particular mix of talents. Everyone has the ability to yield top notch ideas and results in our lives because of the individual talents we separately have. What discourages you is simply not knowing how to identify these talents. You have to find out where you are strong, where you are talented, and what tools you uniquely have so you can do something with them.

 

Truth is, it is only after we discover who we are that we can understand what we do. Understanding and identifying who we are, creates an aligned life and brings our daily actions closer to our true identities and the place of our strongest contribution. What if we looked for one person with the same top six talents as you, in the same order? There are barely enough people on the planet to find one person who shares your same top six. Statistically, it starts to get crazy to find one person who has the same top eight talents in your order, considering how many we are in the world.  The number is somewhere in the region of seven hundred billion people. You get the picture. You are amazingly unique—irreplaceably unique. Remember, too, that this is not all of who you are, imagine yourself as a pizza, then today we are just dealing with one slice piece.

 

So, what is the point of all these? The point is, there is nobody else like you. Not only is there nobody just like you on the planet today, but never has there been anyone like you in the history of time. And in case you were wondering, it is highly unlikely that there could be anyone just like you in the future. You are unique.

This understanding has two important implications. First, if nobody else is like you, then who is your competition? Just think about that question for a minute.

You are completely unique. No one else can “do you” because every human is so irreplaceably one-of-a-kind. We can all take a deep breath and let go of any anxiety that someone else will come along to replace us. If nobody can “do me,” then there really is a place for me and for what I uniquely bring to the world.

Second, if you choose not to show up to a commitment you have made, is that really a problem? Yes, because no one else can replicate your identity. No one else can do you, so your contribution would be missed if you didn’t show up. There is an accountability that comes with the unique ability that you have been given as an individual.

 

 

Exercise 5 – Weakness Fixing

 

 

Exercise 6 – Understanding the Benefits of your Uniqueness

There are important benefits that comes with your uniqueness. Identifying your uniqueness and knowing their benefits can help you in your day to day life as well as in your marriage which are:

• Unlocks creativity
• It helps you know how your contribution benefits your relationship
• It brings an incredible feeling of joy and fulfilment
• You will always be rewarded because of your uniqueness
• You’re best with your strengths

 

 

Exercise 7 – Accepting your Uniqueness

After identifying, understanding your uniqueness and its benefits. It is important to accept these exceptionalities. There are a lot an individual need to accept when it comes to self. As discussed above, the best person to be is you, the best way to exist is to align with how you are wired. To embrace your individuality, you need to:

• Accept the person you are:do you feel uneasy or uncomfortable being so different from everyone else in your association, family or personal circle? Perhaps you need to find yourself or maybe you have chosen to believe that you gender, experiences or environment can stop you from being your best self. No! it only means it is time to recognize and accept that you are a special individual, with a very unique talent and there are many sides of you. It is also essential to accept the person you are not

 

• Take time to note your habits:Note the kind of habits you practice. What time do you go to bed? Do you put your shoes on the rack immediately you take them off? You need to understand what is important to you by noticing the behaviors you routinely do,

 

• Know your personality in details.To be able to embrace your individuality, you need to observe and analytically think about the type of person you are. What are your personalities characteristics? You need to be able to describe yourself, in the process it can even help you recognize your strengths.

 

• Know your struggles.What challenges you the most? How do you handle areas where you are untalented? The right attitude to possess is knowing that no one is good at everything. Superman only exists in movies.

 

• Build your confidencein your abilities and capabilities. Gracefully appreciate people who are gifted where you are not. Comfort yourself in the fact that there are many gifts that can be harnessed at your disposal if/when you need them.

 

 

Exercise 8 – Accepting your Spouse

 

Exercise 9 – Practicing Acceptance towards your spouse

Differences are not evil embrace them but don’t try to eliminate them! Give up the idea of:

• Changing them before accepting them
• Turning them into the ideal partner
• Accept that there are things that cannot change

 

 

MODULE 2 – INTRODUCING THE DIFFERENT TYPES OF MATES

 IN MARRIAGE

 

Exercise 1- Mind mates

 

Exercise 2- Soulmates

 

Exercise 3- Helpmates

 

Exercise 4- Playmates

 

 

 

MODULE 2 – PERSONALITY TYPES

Exercise 1- Types of Temperaments

Exercise 2- Choleric Temperament

Exercise 3- Sanguine Temperament

Exercise 4- Phlegmatic Temperament

Exercise 5- Melancholic Temperament

 

MODULE 3 – ORIENTATION TO LIFE AND WORK

Exercise 1 – People Orientation

Exercise 2 – Task Orientation

 

 

MODULE 4 – MODELS IN BUILDING YOUR HOME

Exercise 1 – Building your home

Run your home on strengths: usually the model used in most homes are based on nothing else than on

• Gender roles expectations
• Cultural expectations
• Religious

 

 

Exercise 2 – Using a strength-based model to build your home

This means before a task is being accomplished these factors should be considered:

• The strength of your personality
• Capacity to get the task done
• Exposure
• Emotional maturity
• Natural gifting/inclination

 

 

MODULE 4 – TYPES OF STRENGTH IN MARRIAGE

There are four different ways that your strengths can show themselves to the world. Let see these strengths in the view of marriage.

Exercise 1- Underused Strength

Exercise 2 – Healthy Strength

Exercise 3 – Overused Strength

Exercise 4 – Talent Strength/Counterfeit

 

MODULE 5 – CELEBRATING UNIQUENESS

Exercise 1 – Gratitude

 

 

ACTIVITY

Strengths Based Marriage Challenge

• Identify the strengths you have in common. If you have any, talk
• Specifically, about how you use that shared strength in your lives.
• Look for strengths that might point you and your spouse in opposite
• Directions and talk about how that plays out in your marriage.
• Do your differences cause misunderstandings? How?
• Talk about where your strengths-based joy is, especially in the behaviors that seem so opposite, so that you can see where the good in each strength lies.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Library Materials

Exercise 1 – The power of understanding your Spouses’ strength

When you understand your spouse’s strength, your spouse will begin to make so much more sense to you. maybe they have a tendency to excel with small groups of people but shy away in large groups. Or maybe they have an ability to gather a crowd but not always connect with individuals very well. Knowing your spouse’s tendencies and abilities will help you understand them better.

If you’ve seen your spouse’s strengths turn into “weaknesses,” it might be time to re-evaluate your perspective. You have to understand that everyone has different spiritual gifts. Each of us have different gifts, strengths and abilities. We are not all “eyes” or all “ears.” Our differences are to bring optimum strength in our marriage.

When you know your partner’s strengths, you will understand their weaknesses in them. When you are conscious of this, you have the power to help them channel their weaknesses back into a strength.

When you know one another’s strengths, your marriage will grow. You don’t need to get caught up in the traditional or cultural roles of what you believe a husband or a wife should be doing. Like for example; whoever is more organized in the marriage should probably be the one balancing the budget. Whoever is a better with strategy should be the one routing and planning your family vacation. Play off each other’s strengths to build your marriage up.

 

Exercise 3 – Encouraging your spouse’s strength

Your spouse wasn’t placed next to you to frustrate you, but to complement you. His or her strengths may help and even protect you. Since the key to long-term closeness and increased marital commitment comes from understanding your spouse’s strengths, try to focus on your spouse’s strengths and this will help you in dealing with predictable areas of conflict every couple will face.

Your spouse’s areas of passion become more exciting. When you have understood how your spouse weakness and strength are wired, the connection you both shares will be real and you can attribute them to their dialing living, like leadership or counseling, you can encourage them in a more specific way to excel in the things they love.

 

Exercise 4 – Understanding Opposites Strengths

Talk together about where your strengths-based joy is, especially in the behaviors that seem so opposite, so that you can see where the good in each strength lies. You can start each day by acknowledging your gratitude for each other. Try sitting down with your cup of coffee in the morning and thinking of one strength your partner has and why you are grateful for it. What really energizes you about your spouse? What brings you joy? You may choose to keep a journal of your daily thoughts or keep a mental log. This will help you focus on the many reasons you have for being joyful in your marriage and show your spouse why they matter so much to you.

Perhaps one of the most frustrating examples of these opposite tendencies occurs when one spouse is a perfectionist, and the other is not. Another way of looking at this might be to say that one spouse is very detail-oriented (perfectionist) and the other spouse is more of a “big picture” thinker (not as concerned with details).

 

MODULE 2

How to build a strength-based marriage

Exercise 1

If you want to build a strengths-based marriage, it’s important that you learn the different ways strengths are shown;

• Underused strength: When a spouse is unaware that they have a strength, they do not see a connection between the talent and the reward. They have trouble understanding why they act the way they do. As a result, their talent could be really effective and powerful, but it is underutilized.

 

• There is healthy strength: A spouse with this strength usually shows healthy levels of self-awareness and has applied effort to grow the talent they have into true strength. This becomes a win not only for the person, but his/her spouse too.

 

• The overused strength; The spouse with low self-awareness is often the culprit of this. The person with this strength gets such a high-esteem from exercising their talents that they are willing to practice them, even when they hurt others. It often becomes bothersome to their partners.

 

• The strength counterfeit: In this situation, the spouse is not making the most of their strength. The challenge is knowing when you are confronting a counterfeit and not making the most of that strength.

 

Exercise 2

ACTIVITY–

• Test/Discussion

 

Applying your strengths to build your marriage

As discussed earlier, focusing on your spouse’s strengths is also a key to dealing with some predictable areas of conflict every couple will face.  These areas relate to a couple’s natural differences in trust, aggressiveness, decision making and risk taking.

 

 

 

• Trust

Are you trusting or doubtful when it comes to meeting new people or receiving new information? Since everyone has different strengths, and as such, you would both answer this question differently.

Here’s a story on trust. There was a man (David) who was naturally trusting but his wife (Lucy), on the other would always want to verify facts, investigate and ask hard questions before trusting any process. So, David’s failure to appreciate his wife’s strength in this area of “trust” led to a costly mistake at a point of time in their married. Lucy had some savings and handed it to her husband, more like her entire life savings. His job was to invest it wisely. So, he met a financial planner who he had met at a forex trade event. And due to networking the very next day he handed him his wife’s savings. After all, the planner’s company was a recognized financial establishment, and he had said he could triple money!

Unfortunately, he was so trusting he didn’t ask hard questions before investing. He lost every cent of Lucy’s life savings in less than three months.

Was his wife happy? No. Did she leave her husband? No. But guess what else? He learned a tremendous (and hard) lesson about why it’s crucial to understand a spouse’s strengths – and why partners are often opposite.

It is obvious now why fate would place Lucy next to David. Today, instead of looking at Lucy’s strengths as frustrating, David realizes she has been placed in his life to protect and balance him. He’s never again failed to involve Lucy in any important financial decisions.

 

• Aggressiveness

This is a predictable area of conflict, and a second question to ask yourselves, is: Are you naturally aggressive or passive when it comes to solving problems?

Yes, passive problem solving can be a strength! Some situations call for a quiet, tactful approach. Try solving every problem in your home aggressively, and watch how many more problems you create. Having both aggressive and passive problem-solving abilities in your home can be a tremendous positive.

 

• Decision making

Do you prefer to go slow or fast when making decisions?

Some people prefer to make decisions slowly, wanting to understand the impact their decision will have on others. Others are more comfortable making fast decisions – even to the point where they come home and announce, “Honey, guess where we’re moving tomorrow!”

When each decision maker appreciates the strength of the other, the couple can act decisively – without being rash.

 

• Risk taking

Do you want to follow rules and standard procedures, or are you more comfortable with taking risks?

Think about a basketball game. Let’s say you’re the coach, your team is down by two points and there is only time for one more shot. Would you go for the more predictable two-point layup to tie the game, or would you have your best player try a three-point shot to win?

Again, in marriage, it’s good to have both kinds of approaches. There are times when we need people with the courage to take risks and other times when we need people with the wisdom to move carefully and thoughtfully.

 

MODULE 3

Exercise 1 – Conclusion

Our aim of this course is that you’ll realize your strengths and weaknesses and accept your differences, and that you will also learn how to appreciate your strengths and those of your spouse. Perhaps those “weaknesses” will begin looking more like strengths once again.

After learning the different ways strength shows up, it’s important that you and your spouse challenge each other. Identify the strengths you have in common. If you have any, talk specifically about how you use that shared strength in your lives. It’s important to note that differences of strength are OK in your marriage. Differences are precisely what you need to build a strength-based marriage.

Differences can add richness, depth and texture in your marriage if you embrace them. Your differences can be your biggest asset as a couple if you acknowledge, identify and influence them.

 

 

 

 

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